Why saying “DDS KA PA RIN?” is counterproductive

In the middle of heated debates on Government decisions amid a pandemic is not where we want to be, but here we are.

Social media use is in its all-time high, with most of the Filipino citizens still on home quarantine despite the GCQ transition.

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“DDS KA PA RIN?”

And naturally, social media feeds get flooded easily with “humble opinions,” especially on recent news claiming that “the President only needs to sign the Terror Bill for it to become law.”

Of course, people who have read it will say it’s poorly written. Of course, most people have not read it and, therefore, don’t know anything about it.

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We understand that we need to make our voice heard. Someone needs to speak up and fight for our rights as a nation.

However, signing off every post with “DDS KA PA RIN?” and its demeaning versions is, in fact, counterproductive and bluntly put, irritating no matter how right we are. It doesn’t help us get our valid points across.

I am not in Government, nor am I a lawyer. But I did study Communications.

From what I learned (please correct me when wrong, but I hope you won’t condemn me), we communicate for a goal. We write with intent.

And here I am asking what goal do we get when degrading/belittling our friends (take note our readers are our network of friends and their friends) when we say “OPOSISYON KA?” “NEUTRAL KA?” “UNFRIEND ME NOW” or in influencer terms “UNFOLLOW ME.”

What do we gain? What is our objective? Do we hope that these people will look down on themselves and realize, “How stupid have I been for being a supporter of the government.” I guarantee 100% you don’t get to change their minds. If anything, most of them will even cling harder to their beliefs.

  (… a harsh word stirs up anger. Prov 15:1)

We all get it. We are tired of the hullabaloos of the Government. They have been corrupting our funds and misleading us for years. The Philippines has remained poor, especially on opinion-generation, because a lot of the poor don’t get a proper education. Maraming issues. (Sobrang dami.)

But isn’t our goal supposed to be pro-Pinoys? Pro-relationships? Pro-friends? Pro-Philippines? (the context is different from the kama-“kamaganak sa gobyerno.”) 

That’s why we are fighting to voice our opinions because we want to help fellow poor Pinoys, do we not? If so, why condemn friends who clearly are in the wrong mindset in the present?

We can be proactive and reactive without being destructive. Years ago, during the presidential elections of 2016, I voted for Miriam. But the election was clearly a toss between Duterte and Roxas. At first, I wanted to be strategic and vote for Mar instead. But because *I changed my mind* a few days before, I opted for Madam. 

I didn’t agree with Duterte’s kill platform, and I made sure my opinion on this was heard even at the height of his drug war where innocent civilians are killed daily. I felt smart. I felt empathetic. I thought I am promoting the rights of the Filipinos during those days.

However, as things progressed (read: as I grew older haha) I realized social media should be off-limits to toxic levels of public opinions, especially when it came to destroying friendships.

I never criticized my DDS friends then, but I do remember that I had a slightly different opinion with my husband back then.

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But a political disagreement shouldn’t be a cause for broken relationships, right? (Unless I don’t value relationships at all.) So we adapted the mindset “better to be kind than to be right,” instead. Because in reality, circumstances change, and people’s opinions change through the seasons as well. We can always correct them with love, not through demeaning words.

What we wrote on our Twitter accounts in the past may no longer be the truth today. Who we were on our highschool yearbooks may not be who we are anymore, today. People grow. We learn.

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People change!

And imagine being condemned for an opinion we had in the past. (Unless again of course, if we didn’t learn and still make the same mistake today, but even so, it’s no excuse to kill off people we don’t agree with.)

So how do we approach friends who don’t think like we do today?

Again, speak the truth and educate IN LOVE = Gently, humbly, with no anger or condemnation. In the event that no agreement is met, always think of others before yourself.

Post your causes, drop the destructive clauses.

ENCOURAGED:

 “Junk terror bill! Our president needs to prioritize the safety of more Filipinos!”

“Junk terror bill. It’s not the time!”

“NO TO ABS CBN Shutdown. The president cannot curb free speech!”

“Black lives matter!! We are all humans!”

AVOID:

 “I AM AGAINST THE TERROR BILL! (Legit cause) Yung mga pro-duterte kong friends masaya kayo sa nangyayari?!(destructive clause)”

“NASAAN ANG PERA NG BAYAN!! (Legit cause) Di ko alam sa mga bobong dilawan. Hindi pa namumulat sa katotohanan. (destructive clause) “

“No to ABS CBN shutdown! (Legit cause). Wala kayong pinagaralan kung natutuwa kayo! Sabagay hindi niyo sila naiintindihan kasi mayaman kayo! (destructive clause)”

Other destructive opinions:

 “Puro kayo Netflix! Wala kayong pakialam sa bayan!”

“Puro kayo tiktok bakit hindi kayo tumulong??”

These are dangerous accusations because it cancels the fact that some people cope with the pandemic differently. Some people help offline. πŸ™‚

Do you see the difference?

Even when engaging with healthy online discussions with people, always choose the gentler words. And if still in disagreement, maybe end it with “Ok, praying we see the truth in all these eventually.”

Friends, what is our goal? Is it to improve the government/the country/the world? Or to instigate hate?


Sharing here an article I saw from FORBES. com about how to state an opinion without being opinionated.

It’s more for leadership, but we could learn a thing or two for our online behaviors. πŸ™‚

1. Ground your thoughts in facts.

 2. Use concrete words.

 3. Speak firmly, not necessarily loudly.

 4. Ask questions, and listen to others.

 5. Look at the person.

 6. Don’t be a contrarian for the sake of being a contrarian.

 7. Speak first and last.

Let’s practice holding our own tongues and fighting fairly. Just my humble opinion.

Love, Jazz.

Don’t aim for “jowable”

In a quick google search I learned, that to be “Jowable” one must be able to know how to have fun, take good Instagram photos, and be a good conversationalist.

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And we wonder why so many “jowable” men and women get hurt badly.

Imagine feeding this kind of information to your curious 13-year old kids who don’t know a thing yet about love and relationships?

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When I was a kid myself (LOLOLOL), I used to look up to showbiz couples who seem to have everything good going on in their lives.

Felt kilig even to a point of wanting that same kind of relationship.

Until finally, when I entered my first relationship as a young adult, I thought to myself, “Why doesn’t it feel like the one I see in the movies?”

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Where’s the slow motion effect with amazing cinematography? (Only Erwan could do that to Anne I guess, :p).

Point is, sometimes we think we know a lot based on what we see and hear on TV or online. And here’s where I hope to step in.

Dear little brothers and sisters, to my single friends, and to my son Zach,

“Don’t aim for jowable.”

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Don’t aim to be just handsome or pretty externally. Or to have a lot of awards and be well-versed with words.

Looks and awards don’t mean you are qualified to be jowable, more so, become a jowa.Β Nor will it define yourself as a person.

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Aim to be VALUABLE, instead.

  1. Remember who you are.

This isn’t some Jedi thing or rags to riches story. But we all have one genetic makeup when we are born.

And at this age, I advise that you desperately seek for that one solid truth that will help you understand your most important role in this life.

And that is, to become a valuable addition to anyone’s life.Β 

Sometimes, when we feel like we’re in love, we lose ourselves to that feeling completely. We feel like giving our best, our all, our time, our effort.

Until one day, that feeling leaves us and we’re left thinking what on earth were we thinking?! ☺️

Nothing wrong with giving our all for love; if we truly know how to love. Because true love is not just about feelings. Mostly, it’s about commitment and action.

Want to prove that someone loves you?

Look for acts of love such as: Planning ahead. Staying (not ghosting). Intentionally cutting off communication with exes, staying true to one’s word, etc.Β 

You would know when someone is truly loving you when he/she has that vision of a future and clear idea on how to get there – with you.

2. Be happily single first.

As in happy even if you have NO jowa.

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Who you are today will determine what you will become tomorrow.

If even at the very beginning you’re already rude and resentful, what makes you think you will become an ideal husband or wife?

Focus on yourself first and outgrow those negative features. πŸ˜‰

3. Serve with all your heart

No matter what season you are in right now – in school as a student, at the office as an employee, at home as a wife or a houseband, at work as a businessman, serve your community with pure intentions.

Never aim to scam anyone with words and deeds and all your heart’s desires will eventually be given to you.

Yes, (to the singles), even the wife or the husband you pray for.

4. Be gentle and kind

Gentleness and kindness are two things that will never fade. Even if beauty fades.

This also goes both ways, be gentle and kind to yourself and to others.

I learned this the hard way. And I admit I still struggle in this area of my life. But I have also accepted that heeding to this command will never be easy.

Because it’s not natural to think of others first. Have you considered it being supernatural instead? πŸ˜‰

5. Welp here it is, LOVE GOD FIRST.

If we anchor our lives to God, nothing can break us. Not our jowas, not our husbands.

And while our young, rebellious hearts could not fathom the idea that he says NO to our current crushes because he’s protecting us, one day we’ll realize that he truly is.

Start talking to Him about your relationship plans today.

——-

(UPDATED)

Again, to my SINGLE girl/boy friends, Zach, aim to be VALUABLE.

For my girl friends who JUST GOT MARRIED and wondering why you’re having a difficult time, here’s how to be wifeable (aka how to walk the wife path that God designed.)

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My pahabol blog post for hearts month. πŸ™‚

All these advise, are biblical based. πŸ™‚ Even if you believe in God or not, or no matter which church you attend, nothing can change these truths. #trot

But fret not, if you are in a relationship right now, begin submitting it to God in your prayers, every day of your life.

Nothing’s too wrong, too broken, too late not to fix.Β 

❀️

Jazz

Let’s talk about anger and temper

In a span of a few hours this morning, I’ve already felt a roller coaster of emotions. From being eager to come to work despite the thunderstorm, to being grateful for my husband for driving me, to impatiently waiting at the line in the MRT up to losing my temper over an insensitive couple within the car.

How can one person transition from being ‘best behaved’ to the ‘notorious tita in public transportation’ in such short a time?

Yesterday at church, the pastor talked about all sorts of things including having a “double life.”

“Don’t fool yourselves,” he says. “Don’t live a life that is good outwardly but you have a secret life when you’re all alone.”

Am I living a double life? I strive to study God’s words but sometimes fail in my deeds. Not a proud moment. No justification there.

But the pastor also says… although Christianity doesn’t give us the license to sin, as humans, sometimes we fall. We feel trapped and we find ourselves slipping and swiveling down rock bottom.

But the beauty of this is that we can always set our eyes back to Jesus. Consider our sins, repent and ask for forgiveness to strive to become better the next time. And by God’s grace, fully turn away from sin.

We also ought to know our weaknesses and protect ourselves against it. For instance, if I know I hate the crowd, I could have just waited for the next train than squeeze myself into a full car. Pro-activeness is key. :))

Looking back, I learned that I reacted the way I did because I felt inconvenienced. I made the situation about myself instead of thinking they’re having a difficult time too.

I could have also gotten help from a verse:

Proverbs 19:11Β The Passion Translation (TPT)

11Β A wise person demonstrates patience,
for mercy means holding your tongue.
When you are insulted,
be quick to forgive and forget it,

How do you deal with such situations – where you need the Holy Spirit but forget to call on Him?

We don’t want a double life. Let’s find out together.

 

Storytelling since 2016

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