Tag Archives: love

These six traits are the most important things our children should learn.

If I were to choose only six traits to instill in my son, it would be these:

HUMILITY. SELFLESSNESS. WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE. RESILIENCE. DISCIPLINE. FAITH AND LOVE.

1. HUMILITY

Knowing that we are “nothing” in this world helps us be more empathetic with others. But the most important thing that humility brings is that DESPITE ONE’S STRENGTH (ie. successes, money in the bank, achievements in life etc.), one would know that in the end, HE CANNOT DO EVERYTHING WITHOUT GOD.

Believing in the power of God and allowing ourselves to succumb to His glory will get people through any form of difficulty in life.

Because in reality, I want my son to realize that the world is not perfect but we can rise above it perfectly with God’s perfect love and guidance.

Bonus feeling that comes with humility is happiness. “I got nothing to lose but more to gain” attitude.

2. SELFLESSNESS

The worst trait anyone could have is selfishness. Learned this first hand. The moment we become selfish, we become proud. And the higher we get, the more we realize our own destruction. Selflessness on the otherhand allows us room for improvement. Everyday we learn not just from ourselves but also from other people. Selflessness doesn’t mean undermining one’s self. But it means we do not exist in this world for ONLY ourselves. We have a community to take care of. We think about world-wide success and not just our own interests. We get involved. We reach out. We care.

3. WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE

Knowledge involves learning facts and ideas from school, from books, the internet and the people around us. It is hard based evidence that includes maybe trivia, science, technology, technicalities, math and all its branches. We need to KNOW how things go and (as much as possible, though of course, we have to be kind to ourselves) we have that responsibility to not get lost in any topic simply because we did not read up much on it.

Wisdom, on the other hand, is one’s discernment that influences his choice for the right thing – especially when faced with difficult situations. It’s when reason ends, and we are left grasping for the right answers. It could be tricky. Where do we find wisdom? From your own experiences and from others’ of course. Also in the book of Proverbs.

4. RESILIENCE

Of course, mistakes will be inevitable as we are only human. But I want my son to learn that mistakes don’t mean the end. It only is a stepping stone for more knowledge and wisdom. Mistakes, no matter how big and small, can be completely turned around if you are resilient enough to return to the good path and get the great life God has promised us back.

5. DISCIPLINE

I want my child to learn that the quest for knowledge MAY NOT BE EASY. The path to righteousness does not always involve rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes, it’s a difficult and a sad path. It will entail sacrifice. But because you trust in God, you are resilient, and you believe that things will be better, you will learn to endure the now. Use wisdom to discipline yourself. NOT ALL FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS ARE TRUE OR RIGHT AT THE MOMENT. Control yourself.

6. FAITH AND LOVE.
I combined these two because love carries faith with it. If you truly love someone, you are faithful in that love. But should you make a mistake, be wise, be resilient, have the humility to accept wrong, and the discipline to walk the right way again.

 

3 questions to ask before disciplining your child

A few nights ago my two year old son put on a tantrum for the first time. He was deliberately trying to puke so that I won’t make him come to bed. Although I found it cute, I also didn’t want to tolerate it. It led me to the question: How can I discipline my two year old?

If it were your child, what kind of discipline would you choose to stop or correct the behavior? 

Some parents believe in corporal punishment. “Pinalo kita kasi mahal kita” (I punished you because I love you)”. But don’t you think it sounds confusing for these kids? Somewhere in their young minds they think “If you love me why did you hurt me?”.

Does physical punishment really make them understand the meaning of their behavior?

When choosing to discipline your children, here are three questions to ask:

1. WHAT IS MY CHILD’s LOVE LANGUAGE?

If you have read the book “Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman you will learn that certain couples respond to different expressions of love.

Last week, PETA (the theatre group that brought us the famous musicale Rak of Aegis), through its ARTS ZONE PROJECT invited me to a whole day of parenting workshop “for all aegis”.

I have learned that from their interviews with kids they have met through their new campaign “Love Does Not Hurt”, children feel most unloved each time their parents shout at them or spank them. On the other hand, they feel most loved when their parents talk to them in a sweet tone, hug them, kiss them and give them gifts.

2. WHAT KIND OF ADULT DO I WANT MY CHILD TO BECOME?

Do we want our children to be trusting, confident, happy and independent? Or depressed, pala-asa, at walang bilib sa sarili? 

I always pray that my son grows up to be a happy, wise, independent and blessed person – who in turn can be a blessing to others. That’s my top goal. Upon laying this down, I can now direct my series of actions towards this goal, and yes this includes how I discipline him.

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If I choose to shout at him when he throws a fit, and be successful in generating fear from him… do you think he would grow up to be the happy, wise, independent and blessed person that I want him to become?

When setting a long term goal, make sure to be specific. Also realize the long term effects of corporal punishment. Studies show that it causes anxiety, depression, poor social and learning abilities and trust issues among others.

3. WILL MY CHILD UNDERSTAND WHY I’M DOING THIS?

The important thing here is for us parents to practice warmth and structure as described by child psychologist Dr. Joan Durrant. These two are partners. Warmth means love. Structure means rules. It is not enough that we show our kids that we love them if we are not able to impose rules in the house. Constant communication with them is key.

I love my son and I want him to enjoy his time reading books or watching car videos. But it is in my rule that bedtime means stopping all kinds of activities so he could have his proper rest and be more energetic the next day.

THE ALTERNATIVE TO CORPORAL PUNISHMENT: POSITIVE DISCIPLINE?

Dr Joan Durrant banks on the idea that positively disciplining children would mean staying away from any form of physical punishment. Instead, offering options, creating a YES culture and ignoring bad behavior can all contribute to discipline.

Dr. Durrant says that the four building blocks of positive discipline lies in the following:

a. Set long term goals

b. Practice aforementioned warmth and structure

c. Understanding children

d. Solving problems

Parenting is not easy! But with the right support and guidance from God, our families and our community, we will succeed!

“LOVE DOES NOT HURT” is an advocacy by the PETA ARTS ZONE PROJECT

For more information on this campaign, like their facebook page or visit their website.

Thanks for inviting me!

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Mom and dad bloggers. Praying for better news headlines for children in the future

 

 

Love Pills vs. Real Love

Being a first-time mom has brought a lot of happiness and optimism in my life. However, no matter how much we try to be perfect, the world is struggling to be. Amid the many great things God has made, He also warns us of the evil lurking around such as “love pills” or ecstasy. From here, we get to challenge ourselves to overcome these lies and fill our children with our real love instead. Our collective goal is to try our very best for them not to be influenced by any negative substance that could stall their way to a fruitful and healthy life.

Just recently, headlines on the death of five young people who attended a supposedly harmless mall party in Pasay City shocked Filipinos all over the country especially after learning that the cause of such is the consumption of small candy-looking substances, mistakenly dubbed as the “love pill” but popularly called Ecstacy. It is marketed to heighten one’s sensations during parties and sex.

In the said report, these five individuals, who by the way did not know one another and attended the event separately, had similar autopsy results on organ failures as having caused their premature passing.

All tested positive for substances from this pill.

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This isn’t the first time that this drug made it to the news. In February of this same year, an employee of a popular hotel and casino died after taking the “love pill” in a room party. She was reportedly enjoying herself at one point and couldn’t breathe the next.

Mid of last year, news articles reported the discovery of a new drug dubbed as the “date rape” drug, which is, in fact, a liquid form of Ecstacy that can easily be mixed with the drinks of unsuspecting party goers before sexual assault.

NOW WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR US, AS PARENTS?

As a young mom who did not grow up touching nor ever seeing any real drug (because I’m cooler than you), it would be easy to dismiss these stories as something out of the ordinary.

But with the rise of these incidents, I no longer know what the future might hold for our kids. But I can only plan and rehearse now what I can tell my child in the future so he’d be ready to fight back or say no.

So as first-time moms, how could we prepare our children to say NO TO DRUGS?

  1. Create a loving and open relationshipblog2

Allowing our sons and daughters to tell us anything under the sun will be a great way for us to know what goes on in their minds or, what was offered at a party. We could do this by controlling our temper whenever they speak to us of things that don’t fit our idea of a “good job”. Instead of getting angry, let’s try our best to explain what is wrong with what they did.

For instance, our kids breaking the laptop at home isn’t really a “good job”. But it won’t do them any good if we try to scold them for it. Maybe we could discuss it calmly or keep them away from gadgets in the meantime as they do not fully understand how to use them yet.

2. Make friends with their friends’ parents. 

PRIVATE-GROUPS

Having an open communication with our kids’ parents allow us to have an “eye” on our kids all the time (though I’m pretty sure they’d hate it when they’re grown).

Who knows when our connections would come in handy? At least we could also discuss with other parents our unified goal of keeping our kids away from harm.

3. When they’re already teens, we need to impose a curfew.

I don’t know about my future self, but right now, during a party, I’d prefer that my kids follow a 10:00 PM curfew. Having an earlier curfew cuts the time for any chance to be offered drugs.

4. Rehearse what our kids should say in case they find themselves in awkward situations

I read on a blog that if we rehearse the exact words our children should say in sensitive situations, the more likely they are able to remember it should they actually encounter them. It’s like pre-empting a story.

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For example: A “friend” goes up to him and says “try this” you could rehearse the possible speech he could say such as “I have allergies to certain food, I am not allowed until I take it to my doctor and ask permission”.

May sound awkward but when spoken in the vernacular: “Pre, sensya na allergic ako baka kung ano masuka ko diyahe pa sa inyo. Next time nalang”.

Would he be taking it next time? Probably not. But will he be able to escape the current offer? Yes.

5. Lastly, instill with all conviction that drugs are NOT cool

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There’s nothing wrong with instilling this principle to our kids. Show them before and after photos of people who do drugs. Show them the grades that they must keep in order to keep seeing their friends. Whatever it takes to make them realize that drugs are not for them. It’s even better if we enroll them in many classes such as guitar lessons or taekwondo so they have other things to keep busy with.

It’s even better if we enroll them in many classes such as guitar lessons or taekwondo so they have other things to keep busy with.

Bottomline is, we should first streamline the environment of our kids. Do they have good friends who don’t do drugs? Are they in a school that has strict policy against drugs? Do they tell you where they are all the time? Are we constantly reminding them of our rules and their roles?

Here’s to hoping our kids grow up to be happy, healthy and bright; and that they steer clear from drugs and other bad news!

If you have other suggestions on how to keep our children away from drugs, please feel free to comment below!

Be happy!

All photos sourced from the internet via google search