Category Archives: love

Why saying “DDS KA PA RIN?” is counterproductive

In the middle of heated debates on Government decisions amid a pandemic is not where we want to be, but here we are.

Social media use is in its all-time high, with most of the Filipino citizens still on home quarantine despite the GCQ transition.

Internet Trolling - Media Ethnography - Medium
“DDS KA PA RIN?”

And naturally, social media feeds get flooded easily with “humble opinions,” especially on recent news claiming that “the President only needs to sign the Terror Bill for it to become law.”

Of course, people who have read it will say it’s poorly written. Of course, most people have not read it and, therefore, don’t know anything about it.

Carpio: Once a law, anti-terror bill can be questioned in court ...

We understand that we need to make our voice heard. Someone needs to speak up and fight for our rights as a nation.

However, signing off every post with “DDS KA PA RIN?” and its demeaning versions is, in fact, counterproductive and bluntly put, irritating no matter how right we are. It doesn’t help us get our valid points across.

I am not in Government, nor am I a lawyer. But I did study Communications.

From what I learned (please correct me when wrong, but I hope you won’t condemn me), we communicate for a goal. We write with intent.

And here I am asking what goal do we get when degrading/belittling our friends (take note our readers are our network of friends and their friends) when we say “OPOSISYON KA?” “NEUTRAL KA?” “UNFRIEND ME NOW” or in influencer terms “UNFOLLOW ME.”

What do we gain? What is our objective? Do we hope that these people will look down on themselves and realize, “How stupid have I been for being a supporter of the government.” I guarantee 100% you don’t get to change their minds. If anything, most of them will even cling harder to their beliefs.

  (… a harsh word stirs up anger. Prov 15:1)

We all get it. We are tired of the hullabaloos of the Government. They have been corrupting our funds and misleading us for years. The Philippines has remained poor, especially on opinion-generation, because a lot of the poor don’t get a proper education. Maraming issues. (Sobrang dami.)

But isn’t our goal supposed to be pro-Pinoys? Pro-relationships? Pro-friends? Pro-Philippines? (the context is different from the kama-“kamaganak sa gobyerno.”) 

That’s why we are fighting to voice our opinions because we want to help fellow poor Pinoys, do we not? If so, why condemn friends who clearly are in the wrong mindset in the present?

We can be proactive and reactive without being destructive. Years ago, during the presidential elections of 2016, I voted for Miriam. But the election was clearly a toss between Duterte and Roxas. At first, I wanted to be strategic and vote for Mar instead. But because *I changed my mind* a few days before, I opted for Madam. 

I didn’t agree with Duterte’s kill platform, and I made sure my opinion on this was heard even at the height of his drug war where innocent civilians are killed daily. I felt smart. I felt empathetic. I thought I am promoting the rights of the Filipinos during those days.

However, as things progressed (read: as I grew older haha) I realized social media should be off-limits to toxic levels of public opinions, especially when it came to destroying friendships.

I never criticized my DDS friends then, but I do remember that I had a slightly different opinion with my husband back then.

How Happy Couples Argue: Study Reveals Key To Fighting Without ...

But a political disagreement shouldn’t be a cause for broken relationships, right? (Unless I don’t value relationships at all.) So we adapted the mindset “better to be kind than to be right,” instead. Because in reality, circumstances change, and people’s opinions change through the seasons as well. We can always correct them with love, not through demeaning words.

What we wrote on our Twitter accounts in the past may no longer be the truth today. Who we were on our highschool yearbooks may not be who we are anymore, today. People grow. We learn.

10 Incredible Before & After Transformations Of People - YouTube
People change!

And imagine being condemned for an opinion we had in the past. (Unless again of course, if we didn’t learn and still make the same mistake today, but even so, it’s no excuse to kill off people we don’t agree with.)

So how do we approach friends who don’t think like we do today?

Again, speak the truth and educate IN LOVE = Gently, humbly, with no anger or condemnation. In the event that no agreement is met, always think of others before yourself.

Post your causes, drop the destructive clauses.

ENCOURAGED:

 “Junk terror bill! Our president needs to prioritize the safety of more Filipinos!”

“Junk terror bill. It’s not the time!”

“NO TO ABS CBN Shutdown. The president cannot curb free speech!”

“Black lives matter!! We are all humans!”

AVOID:

 “I AM AGAINST THE TERROR BILL! (Legit cause) Yung mga pro-duterte kong friends masaya kayo sa nangyayari?!(destructive clause)”

“NASAAN ANG PERA NG BAYAN!! (Legit cause) Di ko alam sa mga bobong dilawan. Hindi pa namumulat sa katotohanan. (destructive clause) “

“No to ABS CBN shutdown! (Legit cause). Wala kayong pinagaralan kung natutuwa kayo! Sabagay hindi niyo sila naiintindihan kasi mayaman kayo! (destructive clause)”

Other destructive opinions:

 “Puro kayo Netflix! Wala kayong pakialam sa bayan!”

“Puro kayo tiktok bakit hindi kayo tumulong??”

These are dangerous accusations because it cancels the fact that some people cope with the pandemic differently. Some people help offline. 🙂

Do you see the difference?

Even when engaging with healthy online discussions with people, always choose the gentler words. And if still in disagreement, maybe end it with “Ok, praying we see the truth in all these eventually.”

Friends, what is our goal? Is it to improve the government/the country/the world? Or to instigate hate?


Sharing here an article I saw from FORBES. com about how to state an opinion without being opinionated.

It’s more for leadership, but we could learn a thing or two for our online behaviors. 🙂

1. Ground your thoughts in facts.

 2. Use concrete words.

 3. Speak firmly, not necessarily loudly.

 4. Ask questions, and listen to others.

 5. Look at the person.

 6. Don’t be a contrarian for the sake of being a contrarian.

 7. Speak first and last.

Let’s practice holding our own tongues and fighting fairly. Just my humble opinion.

Love, Jazz.

Don’t aim for “jowable”

In a quick google search I learned, that to be “Jowable” one must be able to know how to have fun, take good Instagram photos, and be a good conversationalist.

IMG_20200223_081747-01

And we wonder why so many “jowable” men and women get hurt badly.

Imagine feeding this kind of information to your curious 13-year old kids who don’t know a thing yet about love and relationships?

images

When I was a kid myself (LOLOLOL), I used to look up to showbiz couples who seem to have everything good going on in their lives.

Felt kilig even to a point of wanting that same kind of relationship.

Until finally, when I entered my first relationship as a young adult, I thought to myself, “Why doesn’t it feel like the one I see in the movies?”

0a1652de311806ce55820a7115993853

 

Where’s the slow motion effect with amazing cinematography? (Only Erwan could do that to Anne I guess, :p).

Point is, sometimes we think we know a lot based on what we see and hear on TV or online. And here’s where I hope to step in.

Dear little brothers and sisters, to my single friends, and to my son Zach,

“Don’t aim for jowable.”

20170322_181710-01

Don’t aim to be just handsome or pretty externally. Or to have a lot of awards and be well-versed with words.

Looks and awards don’t mean you are qualified to be jowable, more so, become a jowa. Nor will it define yourself as a person.

IMG_20200222_064429_928

Aim to be VALUABLE, instead.

  1. Remember who you are.

This isn’t some Jedi thing or rags to riches story. But we all have one genetic makeup when we are born.

And at this age, I advise that you desperately seek for that one solid truth that will help you understand your most important role in this life.

And that is, to become a valuable addition to anyone’s life. 

Sometimes, when we feel like we’re in love, we lose ourselves to that feeling completely. We feel like giving our best, our all, our time, our effort.

Until one day, that feeling leaves us and we’re left thinking what on earth were we thinking?! ☺️

Nothing wrong with giving our all for love; if we truly know how to love. Because true love is not just about feelings. Mostly, it’s about commitment and action.

Want to prove that someone loves you?

Look for acts of love such as: Planning ahead. Staying (not ghosting). Intentionally cutting off communication with exes, staying true to one’s word, etc. 

You would know when someone is truly loving you when he/she has that vision of a future and clear idea on how to get there – with you.

2. Be happily single first.

As in happy even if you have NO jowa.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

Who you are today will determine what you will become tomorrow.

If even at the very beginning you’re already rude and resentful, what makes you think you will become an ideal husband or wife?

Focus on yourself first and outgrow those negative features. 😉

3. Serve with all your heart

No matter what season you are in right now – in school as a student, at the office as an employee, at home as a wife or a houseband, at work as a businessman, serve your community with pure intentions.

Never aim to scam anyone with words and deeds and all your heart’s desires will eventually be given to you.

Yes, (to the singles), even the wife or the husband you pray for.

4. Be gentle and kind

Gentleness and kindness are two things that will never fade. Even if beauty fades.

This also goes both ways, be gentle and kind to yourself and to others.

I learned this the hard way. And I admit I still struggle in this area of my life. But I have also accepted that heeding to this command will never be easy.

Because it’s not natural to think of others first. Have you considered it being supernatural instead? 😉

5. Welp here it is, LOVE GOD FIRST.

If we anchor our lives to God, nothing can break us. Not our jowas, not our husbands.

And while our young, rebellious hearts could not fathom the idea that he says NO to our current crushes because he’s protecting us, one day we’ll realize that he truly is.

Start talking to Him about your relationship plans today.

——-

(UPDATED)

Again, to my SINGLE girl/boy friends, Zach, aim to be VALUABLE.

For my girl friends who JUST GOT MARRIED and wondering why you’re having a difficult time, here’s how to be wifeable (aka how to walk the wife path that God designed.)

IMG_20200223_033612_617

IMG_20200223_034237_785

My pahabol blog post for hearts month. 🙂

All these advise, are biblical based. 🙂 Even if you believe in God or not, or no matter which church you attend, nothing can change these truths. #trot

But fret not, if you are in a relationship right now, begin submitting it to God in your prayers, every day of your life.

Nothing’s too wrong, too broken, too late not to fix. 

❤️

Jazz

18 things I learned this 2018

I skipped my 2017 year-end blog last year because it was too difficult a year to write. Needless to say, I wasn’t well at that time.

I started 2017 up to the early months of 2018 with negative emotions – anger and hatred toward other people. I lived every day nursing an evil thought of feeling superior to anyone else. And it was by God’s will that this translated into frustrations in the household and felt deeply by my loved ones.

LRM_EXPORT_104773380293752_20181103_203732835

My husband – the gracious gift God has bestowed upon me is also His key instrument in changing my life for good. God allowed things to happen so He could help me look within my heart to catch the virus determined to destroy relationships. And sorry for the faint heart, but the light shone on it and found the virus to be the devil.

This 2018 I have:

  1. Struggled with knowing that what people think about me is a reflection of how I see the world.
  2. Learned that it’s better to be kind than to be right.
  3. Learned that faith cannot be imposed on anyone.
  4. Learned that I am not perfect.
  5. Chosen silent cries over angry confrontation.
  6. Learned my role in life.
  7. Changed a few things about myself that resulted in believing that others can change too, in God’s time.
  8. Realized that some things beyond our control are always within God’s control.
  9. Worked on the idea that there’s a possibility that God is absent in our lives because we don’t call on Him.
  10. Realized that I need to work on surrendering everything to Jesus. It’s easy to be rocked when troubles come. I am a work in progress.
  11. Decided that there’s only ONE I aim to impress.
  12. Learned the greatest sermon ever given is found in Matthew Chapter 5-7; this needs to be MEMORIZED to serve as CONSTANT meditation through prayer.
  13. Realized that it’s more important to have a PERSONAL relationship with God than to just know him.
  14. Realized that we need to be warier in practicing our faith in front of others for malicious intent to please people.
  15. That knowledge and faith is NOTHING without ACTION. – still struggling. But praying.
  16. Strengthened the belief “Everything happens for a reason.”
  17. Learned that a true Christian is JOYFUL, gentle and kind.
  18. Acknowledged that when we delight ourselves in the Lord,  He will give us our heart’s desires.

As the year come to a close, I wish for us to ponder on our relationships.

Do we have friends we no longer talk to? Are we carrying any bitterness toward a person who hurt us? Are we consciously avoiding some people whenever we see them in the workplace? Are we deliberately keeping our kids away from our in-laws or parents because they “can’t meddle with our affairs”? Do we spend time with our officemates more than we spend time with our husband or wife? Do we listen to our husband with respect and not belittle their thoughts or ideas? Are we loving our wives enough to the point of considering her feelings above ourselves or anyone else’s? Do we have idols in our heart?

LRM_EXPORT_132530385345090_20181213_185018916.jpeg

Are we divided?

LRM_EXPORT_124210268332041_20181213_152028799.jpeg

LRM_EXPORT_475749959364639_20181203_235740478.jpeg

I have a friend. We’ve been friends since kids. But some 9 years ago, a virus infected my heart, let’s call it pride, which prompted me to believe that I did not need her in my life. And true enough, I’ve had a career, a family, and a son – enjoyed my life as it is – without her friendship.

Some weeks ago, a common event reconnected us. “What were we even thinking! Not talking for 9 years?!” We’re still the same crazy individuals who click together in the idea of fun and humor – like nothing’s changed. Turns out, all that grudge and hurt feelings, and hatred we felt years ago seems so tiny and immature now as we see it. But it still didn’t change the fact that that small seed of hate, caused a decade of missed chances to be a ninang, a friend, a travel companion, or simply a “person to lean on.”

So much laughter, fun, and wisdom from someone who could have been a source of all that, were wasted.

But you know, if you are living a truly Christian life, no amount of sin or imperfection could separate us from the path that Jesus intended for us to walk in. Every broken piece of our life could be restored. Renewed. Made whole again.

LRM_EXPORT_5630957255972_20181216_224628327.jpeg

Christians see everything as “possible.”

First, we need to realise that we have a real enemy. And the enemy is NOT our parents, spouses, bosses or friends.

LRM_EXPORT_358137238370493_20181227_113949378.jpeg

LRM_EXPORT_275401515775401_20181225_185503418.jpeg

LRM_EXPORT_5344138429755_20181121_204255304.jpeg

As humans, we see the world as imperfect, poisoned, decaying and destined to fail. But when we see the world through God’s eyes, we realize our roles and purpose – and that is, to be instruments of light in the world.

LRM_EXPORT_49748040612494_20181218_005502220.jpeg

And when we see the world like this, forgiveness becomes easy. Compassion and humility become our default mode when dealing with people we do not understand. We have a fresh perspective that allows us to search our lives inwardly and find that we are no better than anyone else. But God uses our gifts to serve His purpose.

 

Have a Blessed New 2019!