Category Archives: Lifestyle

Why saying “DDS KA PA RIN?” is counterproductive

In the middle of heated debates on Government decisions amid a pandemic is not where we want to be, but here we are.

Social media use is in its all-time high, with most of the Filipino citizens still on home quarantine despite the GCQ transition.

Internet Trolling - Media Ethnography - Medium
“DDS KA PA RIN?”

And naturally, social media feeds get flooded easily with “humble opinions,” especially on recent news claiming that “the President only needs to sign the Terror Bill for it to become law.”

Of course, people who have read it will say it’s poorly written. Of course, most people have not read it and, therefore, don’t know anything about it.

Carpio: Once a law, anti-terror bill can be questioned in court ...

We understand that we need to make our voice heard. Someone needs to speak up and fight for our rights as a nation.

However, signing off every post with “DDS KA PA RIN?” and its demeaning versions is, in fact, counterproductive and bluntly put, irritating no matter how right we are. It doesn’t help us get our valid points across.

I am not in Government, nor am I a lawyer. But I did study Communications.

From what I learned (please correct me when wrong, but I hope you won’t condemn me), we communicate for a goal. We write with intent.

And here I am asking what goal do we get when degrading/belittling our friends (take note our readers are our network of friends and their friends) when we say “OPOSISYON KA?” “NEUTRAL KA?” “UNFRIEND ME NOW” or in influencer terms “UNFOLLOW ME.”

What do we gain? What is our objective? Do we hope that these people will look down on themselves and realize, “How stupid have I been for being a supporter of the government.” I guarantee 100% you don’t get to change their minds. If anything, most of them will even cling harder to their beliefs.

  (… a harsh word stirs up anger. Prov 15:1)

We all get it. We are tired of the hullabaloos of the Government. They have been corrupting our funds and misleading us for years. The Philippines has remained poor, especially on opinion-generation, because a lot of the poor don’t get a proper education. Maraming issues. (Sobrang dami.)

But isn’t our goal supposed to be pro-Pinoys? Pro-relationships? Pro-friends? Pro-Philippines? (the context is different from the kama-“kamaganak sa gobyerno.”) 

That’s why we are fighting to voice our opinions because we want to help fellow poor Pinoys, do we not? If so, why condemn friends who clearly are in the wrong mindset in the present?

We can be proactive and reactive without being destructive. Years ago, during the presidential elections of 2016, I voted for Miriam. But the election was clearly a toss between Duterte and Roxas. At first, I wanted to be strategic and vote for Mar instead. But because *I changed my mind* a few days before, I opted for Madam. 

I didn’t agree with Duterte’s kill platform, and I made sure my opinion on this was heard even at the height of his drug war where innocent civilians are killed daily. I felt smart. I felt empathetic. I thought I am promoting the rights of the Filipinos during those days.

However, as things progressed (read: as I grew older haha) I realized social media should be off-limits to toxic levels of public opinions, especially when it came to destroying friendships.

I never criticized my DDS friends then, but I do remember that I had a slightly different opinion with my husband back then.

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But a political disagreement shouldn’t be a cause for broken relationships, right? (Unless I don’t value relationships at all.) So we adapted the mindset “better to be kind than to be right,” instead. Because in reality, circumstances change, and people’s opinions change through the seasons as well. We can always correct them with love, not through demeaning words.

What we wrote on our Twitter accounts in the past may no longer be the truth today. Who we were on our highschool yearbooks may not be who we are anymore, today. People grow. We learn.

10 Incredible Before & After Transformations Of People - YouTube
People change!

And imagine being condemned for an opinion we had in the past. (Unless again of course, if we didn’t learn and still make the same mistake today, but even so, it’s no excuse to kill off people we don’t agree with.)

So how do we approach friends who don’t think like we do today?

Again, speak the truth and educate IN LOVE = Gently, humbly, with no anger or condemnation. In the event that no agreement is met, always think of others before yourself.

Post your causes, drop the destructive clauses.

ENCOURAGED:

 “Junk terror bill! Our president needs to prioritize the safety of more Filipinos!”

“Junk terror bill. It’s not the time!”

“NO TO ABS CBN Shutdown. The president cannot curb free speech!”

“Black lives matter!! We are all humans!”

AVOID:

 “I AM AGAINST THE TERROR BILL! (Legit cause) Yung mga pro-duterte kong friends masaya kayo sa nangyayari?!(destructive clause)”

“NASAAN ANG PERA NG BAYAN!! (Legit cause) Di ko alam sa mga bobong dilawan. Hindi pa namumulat sa katotohanan. (destructive clause) “

“No to ABS CBN shutdown! (Legit cause). Wala kayong pinagaralan kung natutuwa kayo! Sabagay hindi niyo sila naiintindihan kasi mayaman kayo! (destructive clause)”

Other destructive opinions:

 “Puro kayo Netflix! Wala kayong pakialam sa bayan!”

“Puro kayo tiktok bakit hindi kayo tumulong??”

These are dangerous accusations because it cancels the fact that some people cope with the pandemic differently. Some people help offline. 🙂

Do you see the difference?

Even when engaging with healthy online discussions with people, always choose the gentler words. And if still in disagreement, maybe end it with “Ok, praying we see the truth in all these eventually.”

Friends, what is our goal? Is it to improve the government/the country/the world? Or to instigate hate?


Sharing here an article I saw from FORBES. com about how to state an opinion without being opinionated.

It’s more for leadership, but we could learn a thing or two for our online behaviors. 🙂

1. Ground your thoughts in facts.

 2. Use concrete words.

 3. Speak firmly, not necessarily loudly.

 4. Ask questions, and listen to others.

 5. Look at the person.

 6. Don’t be a contrarian for the sake of being a contrarian.

 7. Speak first and last.

Let’s practice holding our own tongues and fighting fairly. Just my humble opinion.

Love, Jazz.

I don’t pray because I don’t want to be a hypocrite

A few weeks ago, my husband had a severe headache that needed medical assistance. I asked for a day off at work so that I can accompany him to the hospital. While we were waiting for our turn, we talked about random things, until our conversation turned into a more in-depth, life-level one. It’s about prayer.

I think that was the time when news about road accidents broke out on television – so naturally, I would often ask my husband to pray each time he drives off to work, or anywhere else.

It was natural for me to offer this advice because growing up as a Christian, I was taught about the power of prayer – the works of God and how it can help us have strength, wisdom, and protection in our daily lives.

And true enough for me, though some of my prayers have not been answered, I can say that it worked in my life. Prayer saved me (or keeps saving me) from going totally insane lol, it has protected relationships, and it’s what keeps me going during dark and emotionally-overwhelming situations. It’s like each time I face a wall or what seems like a cul-de-sac, prayer helps me get over it.

PRAYER IS NOT FOR THE SINLESS

But during our talk, one of my husband’s replies struck me:

“I don’t pray because I don’t want to be a hypocrite.”

My first reaction was ‘surprise.’ I thought, if prayer is not present in the lives of people, then how do they deal with seemingly impossible situations?

But then, later on, I thought, I can’t blame him. I get why he said that. Some people seem prayerful yet lead shitty lives. You know what I’m saying? It’s like seeing someone go out of the church feeling blessed and holy – yet, under the same halo, do not even take time to share blessings to the poor. Or could be someone praying and praising God, yet maltreat other people.

PRAYER IS NOT HYPOCRISY

I get it. But here’s something missing in that kind of thought. Prayer is NOT just for the righteous, sinless, and perfect. Prayer is for everyone – sinners and regular people like you and me.

Prayer is one’s inner voice – call it conscience, soul, etc., that knows the good and the truth, considers the bad you’ve done, and humbles one’s self to ask for forgiveness and guidance.

I know for a fact that I am not good person. I have a short temper and have bouts of rudeness. However, I also know that I am not a bad person. That at the end of the day, I recognize everyone’s struggles and aim for everyone’s blessing and happiness.

I recognize the terrible things I’ve done, the things I need to improve on, my lack of strength, my confusion, and other things that are not ideal in a human life and lift them all up to God in prayer.

Because as a human, I cannot handle things. But relying on a Supreme God, as if by magic, I can.

THE SPIRIT OF ANGER

When I was a child – there was a time when I found myself waking up angry – for no reason at all. I took every little thing as a big thing. I was jealous of my siblings. I hated my parents, as every child would, and I didn’t want to talk to people. I sleep and wake up with a heavy heart. I realized too that I stopped praying.

My lola, a devout Christian, would tell me. “Demonyo yang nasa puso mo. Resist it. Don’t let it stay”

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Funny how in the church we go to in the past, people would often consider every feeling and emotion as a “spirit.” For instance, when you feel angry, they say “Espiritu yan. In Jesus’ name be gone!”

PRAYER MAY SOUND RIDICULOUS

It sounds ridiculous. I mean emotions are perfectly normal human features. But now as a grown woman, it makes sense to treat every emotion as a spirit. Because feelings are fleeting.

At one point, you may get obsessed with being angry at one thing. But tomorrow, you feel less angry and more forgiving. It means that the spirit of anger has left you, and is overcome by the spirit of wellness. Ok, I’d buy that idea.

On another part of the plane, some of us choose to nurse our anger for a long, long time. This is perhaps why some family feuds last for years. Some of us go “bitter” over an event in the past. We choose to let the spirit of anger stay, instead of asking God to rebuke it.

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A prayer is a form of resistance.

I remember that during that time in my story when I was a kid, I didn’t want to pray because life felt unfair. Why would I humble myself for the benefit of life? Why?!

But I overcame the spirit of anger. I resisted it. Anger wanted me to lose in life.

So what I did, though I was still angry, was to say a one-sentence prayer before I closed my eyes to sleep. “Lord, tanggalin Niyo po ang galit sa puso ko”. I said it angrily and even cringed at the thought of praying, then went to sleep.

PRAYER EFFECTS MAY BE SUDDEN

But the miracle of God happened when I woke up the next day. SUDDENLY, my heart was not heavy anymore. I began to appreciate the sun peeking through my window. I greeted my parents with a smile – and all of a sudden I felt that they were kinder to me, more attentive to my needs. I felt loved. I destroyed the spirit of anger and felt lighter, happier.

God moves suddenly. He moves swiftly, unexpectedly and without warning. When you least expect, He’ll come shining through! – Karen Peavy

I emphasized the word suddenly – because that is perhaps one of the traits of God’s work in your life. Sometimes, we feel like we’re heading off to hopeless land. We’ve reached rock bottom, and we don’t know what to do.

But when we ask God’s help in prayer, SUDDENLY, miracles happen. Either we find a miracle in a co-worker or a friend willing to help, or we find the inner strength to get through our obstacles. Our fears become less scary, and we see the future with more hope.

This is the kind of effect of prayer that I want my husband and my son to realize and believe in. 

PRAYER DISPELLS FEARS

Sometimes, it’s easy to be rattled by life’s uncertainties and negativities. Debt (who doesn’t have debts?), a stressful situation at the office, bills, family problems, school requirements, societal expectations, and even self-doubt – all these things are rattling and may, at one point in our lives, make us go cray!

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But I want my loved ones to think, that any problem – big or small – can be lifted up with prayer. Regardless of what you feel at the moment – say a one-liner prayer on anything you need help in – and expect a SUDDEN change – in life, and in your perspective on the situation. Let God help you.

You know what I fear the most, in the absence of prayer? That people resort to hopelessness, suicide, anger, blame, desperation, drugs, and panic. In the absence of God and prayer, we don’t think that there’s any hope at all.

Imagine, people, feeling hopeless about their lives – saying that they cannot pray because they are bad people and that there may be no forgiveness bound their way.

Is that how we want out children to live?

Is this how we want the world to believe?

My husband is a kind man. His heart is gentler, more understanding and empathetic than mine. But I know where he’s coming from. He also knows my goal to raise our children fearing the Lord and knowing how to pray. Together, we aim to be a family that is kind to others, and prayerful.

PRAYER IS CONSTANT

As for myself, I know that my life is constant. Constantly messy, and with me constantly wanting to fix it (lol). I still feel anger and frustrations. So prayer will also be my constant weapon of choice to drive these spirits away.

Let me pray for you. 

May You be blessed with wisdom and discernment. Whatever it is that you are carrying at the moment – be it a problem, anger that has been nursed for a long time, doubt, disbelief, I pray that may you find that humility, that strength to surrender everything to the Lord Jesus Christ. He will take your load and trust that he will solve your problems for you. 

I pray that may we not lose hope in this life. That we realize how our lives matter and that good things are bound our way. I pray that may we all choose right in the face of adversity, and be open to God’s miracles in our lives.

♥

JazzyHappy

** Some photos are not mine.

 

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3 ways to transcend your mom-limitations

Think about that one thing you want to have or become, and then think about what’s stopping you from getting there.

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People are bound by their natural limitations. More so, for us supermoms!

Our time is limited, our patience is limited, our friends, limited!, our finances suddenly become limited (can’t buy that pair of shoes?!), and our choices are limited.

So how do we keep the ball of life rolling and improving?

Here are three ways I learned that could help us transcend our mom-limitations.

1. Think about the LIMITLESS things (or make them)

While ‘countable’ nouns like our baby’s diaper, is limited, other concepts like faith, hope, and GOALS are unlimited. So that’s the first step – focus on your goals.

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Though we know that as mere humans, we don’t get to rely on any supernatural powers to transform ourselves into a billionaire in a snap; we can, however, visualize that idea and then set small specific ways to reach it.

And because no one restricts our imagination, we can conceive bigger, better dreams in life.

While values like ‘love’ and ‘patience’ may be ‘limited,’ it’s something that we can control and; as Gary Chapman would put it, “refill” to become full again. So as mommies, we can def. have more of our love and patience as we wish it. #SuperUnli

2. Ignore the haters

Let’s face it; moms will always have haters. Could be fellow moms or nosy neighbors, and could come in any form at work or in public.

But good thing that mothers naturally have an “I don’t give a fu*k” kind of attitude – especially when we are in the middle of house chores, commute, and (duh) growing another human being.

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Besides, haters and other spectators of our lives tend to box us in a frame that discounts our potential for success. Listening to them will only hurt our goals, so we need to filter out the bad things and look only to supportive or critical comments that help us transcend the hate.

3. ACCEPT your limitations and COLLABORATE

Ignoring others’ conspiracy theories against us doesn’t mean that we deny our weaknesses and constraints. It only means that we know of our imperfections, yet we choose to do something about it so we could rise in the end.

As a working mom, I consider that my time for doing specific things will always be limited. But it doesn’t mean I won’t get to do them all.

 

Because of my collaboration with my parents, siblings, husband, and officemates, I can transcend that lack of time and be able to do everything I need!

Thank God for the Internet as well. Now, working, being a mom, and communicating is made easier and more feasible when we connect through gadgets over cyberspace.

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

On the topic of digital advantages, I also got to witness another magic of the digital world last night, at a fashion event presented by Norde International. It was a collaboration with fashion designer Happy Andrada.

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The dresses that were presented displayed a concoction of floral prints, wavy dresses, and edgy blazers that have indeed captured my young and feminine heart (wehe). I love them!

But what shocked me, even more, is the fact that all the designs were directly DIGITALLY PRINTED.

Those designs were expertly drawn and colored by Andrada’s team of artists, sent over to Norde office to be printed straight out from a big machine called Kornit Allegro.

“The Kornit Allegro is a single-step digital textile printing system designed for high-speed end-to-end production. It allowed Happy Andrada to directly print her artworks on different kinds of fabridc without losing its design quality” – words from the booklet.

And the finished products were stunning! I wouldn’t think that those dresses were digitally printed because of how precise they looked on the runway.

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It’s the first time that I have truly appreciated the marriage of three industries I didn’t previously think could happen – fashion, art, and print technology.

Being that I used to think fashion is only restricted to dress-cutting and sewing; art is just about drawing and painting while printing is merely a clever way of putting ink on paper.

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But now seeing these fashion pieces and hearing the story of its production has left me inspired. Imagine, what Happy Andrada took 3-6 months to do (from pre-prod to post) in the past, she was able to do in a month through digital printing.

That is surely one way to transcend one’s time and craft!

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No wonder that the event was titled “Transcendence,” which means ‘to cut across,’ ‘rise above’ or ‘surpass.’

Who would have thought that today’s fashion event could bring so much inspiration to a super mom like me.

At this point think about that one thing you want to have or become. Is there anything stopping you from getting there?

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Fashion designer Happy Andrada
Photographer: Shaira Luna

Kornit Allegro is distributed by Norde International Distributors, Inc.

Visit their showroom at 104 Kalayaan Ave., Quezon City.