I skipped my 2017 year-end blog last year because it was too difficult a year to write. Needless to say, I wasn’t well at that time.
I started 2017 up to the early months of 2018 with negative emotions – anger and hatred toward other people. I lived every day nursing an evil thought of feeling superior to anyone else. And it was by God’s will that this translated into frustrations in the household and felt deeply by my loved ones.
My husband – the gracious gift God has bestowed upon me is also His key instrument in changing my life for good. God allowed things to happen so He could help me look within my heart to catch the virus determined to destroy relationships. And sorry for the faint heart, but the light shone on it and found the virus to be the devil.
This 2018 I have:
- Struggled with knowing that what people think about me is a reflection of how I see the world.
- Learned that it’s better to be kind than to be right.
- Learned that faith cannot be imposed on anyone.
- Learned that I am not perfect.
- Chosen silent cries over angry confrontation.
- Learned my role in life.
- Changed a few things about myself that resulted in believing that others can change too, in God’s time.
- Realized that some things beyond our control are always within God’s control.
- Worked on the idea that there’s a possibility that God is absent in our lives because we don’t call on Him.
- Realized that I need to work on surrendering everything to Jesus. It’s easy to be rocked when troubles come. I am a work in progress.
- Decided that there’s only ONE I aim to impress.
- Learned the greatest sermon ever given is found in Matthew Chapter 5-7; this needs to be MEMORIZED to serve as CONSTANT meditation through prayer.
- Realized that it’s more important to have a PERSONAL relationship with God than to just know him.
- Realized that we need to be warier in practicing our faith in front of others for malicious intent to please people.
- That knowledge and faith is NOTHING without ACTION. – still struggling. But praying.
- Strengthened the belief “Everything happens for a reason.”
- Learned that a true Christian is JOYFUL, gentle and kind.
- Acknowledged that when we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us our heart’s desires.
As the year come to a close, I wish for us to ponder on our relationships.
Do we have friends we no longer talk to? Are we carrying any bitterness toward a person who hurt us? Are we consciously avoiding some people whenever we see them in the workplace? Are we deliberately keeping our kids away from our in-laws or parents because they “can’t meddle with our affairs”? Do we spend time with our officemates more than we spend time with our husband or wife? Do we listen to our husband with respect and not belittle their thoughts or ideas? Are we loving our wives enough to the point of considering her feelings above ourselves or anyone else’s? Do we have idols in our heart?
Are we divided?
I have a friend. We’ve been friends since kids. But some 9 years ago, a virus infected my heart, let’s call it pride, which prompted me to believe that I did not need her in my life. And true enough, I’ve had a career, a family, and a son – enjoyed my life as it is – without her friendship.
Some weeks ago, a common event reconnected us. “What were we even thinking! Not talking for 9 years?!” We’re still the same crazy individuals who click together in the idea of fun and humor – like nothing’s changed. Turns out, all that grudge and hurt feelings, and hatred we felt years ago seems so tiny and immature now as we see it. But it still didn’t change the fact that that small seed of hate, caused a decade of missed chances to be a ninang, a friend, a travel companion, or simply a “person to lean on.”
So much laughter, fun, and wisdom from someone who could have been a source of all that, were wasted.
But you know, if you are living a truly Christian life, no amount of sin or imperfection could separate us from the path that Jesus intended for us to walk in. Every broken piece of our life could be restored. Renewed. Made whole again.
Christians see everything as “possible.”
First, we need to realise that we have a real enemy. And the enemy is NOT our parents, spouses, bosses or friends.
As humans, we see the world as imperfect, poisoned, decaying and destined to fail. But when we see the world through God’s eyes, we realize our roles and purpose – and that is, to be instruments of light in the world.
And when we see the world like this, forgiveness becomes easy. Compassion and humility become our default mode when dealing with people we do not understand. We have a fresh perspective that allows us to search our lives inwardly and find that we are no better than anyone else. But God uses our gifts to serve His purpose.
Have a Blessed New 2019!